It happens everytime. Every. Time. 

It could be a potluck, maybe a family BBQ of sorts. Perhaps a birthday party or Christmas dinner. 

Often times, it’s weddings. Rehearsals, dinners, receptions, breakfasts, gift-openings and the like. 

Heck, it’s commonplace even at church league softball games. 

Yup, the fact of the matter is, if you’re a pastor and you’re attending one of the above events, will you almost certainly be asked this question: 

“Will you ask the blessing for us?” 

You will, of course. You always do. How poor a character you would have if you declined the offer to pray for everybody’s potato salad, or what tragedy would befall your team if you replied, “No amount of prayer is going to help our team! Hahaha….”

Mind you, you’ll sometimes answer that way to be ironic and mildly funny, but you’re probably really thinking, “Is this why I spent $10,000 a year at Bible School? To become the official Grace Sayer? Is everyone else so inept at saying grace that their food never gets fully blessed?” 

But alas, you will continue to say grace, or ‘ask the blessing’ as they say. So here are some ways to spice it up. Please use these at your next celebration, graduation, party or gala. 

1. Use a large and complex vocabulary. This, of course, will show everyone that you spent $10,000 a year at Bible School so you could say grace really well and learn theological terms. 

Example: “Father, thank you for this food. And I also pray for everyone who believes in Supralapsarianism. They really need your help. Amen.” 

 2. Add song lyrics and see who chimes in. It blesses the food and it’s fun. And you also find out who was really paying attention. 

Example: “Gracious and heavenly father, I’m grateful that, even though it’s raining more than ever, I know that we’ll still have each other. You can stand under my umbrella. Bless the food, too. Amen” 

3. Call people out who didn’t bring any food.  This is the 4th potluck in a row that Jon didn’t bring any food, and he always eats more than everyone else. Now is your chance to put him in his place, via a prayer of grace. 

Example: “Hello God, as we look upon this bountiful harvest we think of all the hands that went into preparing it. Everyone’s hands that is, except Jon’s. He has lazy hands. Convict him of his ways, and may he stop being so much of a freeloader. Amen.” 

4. Pray for everything except the food, and see who notices. Take this opportunity to practice out a new sermon you’ve been working on, or to share your recent political opinions, or some new rhymes you wrote for your upcoming hip-hop album. Anything at all, except the food. 

Example: “Father, I’ve been doing some thinking about Obama’s recent speech and I just feel like James Dobson was pretty hard on him. Maybe shake up ol’ Dobby a bit and loosen his tie, and help Obama to maybe be wiser about his word choices when referencing Scripture. And thank you for Lil’ Wayne’s new album; I  know you gave him some of those rhymes because they were too good for a normal human to write. And the Blue Jays! Just give them a break and help them to win a few in a row to get their spirits up. Thanks for Cito Gaston. And now, finally, help Eddie’s struggle with gambling to be over. He’s here tonight and he needs your help because he got himself into a lot of financial trouble last night. Amen.” 

If you use these, please let me know. We can be best friends.